Happy End of the World

Man, bitches be trippin. What if the end of the world isn't the end of civilization, but the extinction of some vital species that will result in nuclear war.(For those George Bush fans, Nucaler) What if today is the goldfish's last day on earth, all goldfish will mysteriously die, and goldfish eggs will be kept in a vault guarded by 9 armed men.  Whenever someone tells you Merry Christmas, tell them your a muslim. Some of you may think im spending alot of time on fish, but when the world fucking floods ill be adapting gills while you dickheads drown, and even if i get a dolphin blowhole, im still not saving you jerks. Death To All But Metal (I take no credit for the fucked up lyrics of this song, Kyle found it) - look that up with HEADPHONES on. Don't watch the music video either... just sayin. Anyway snow was shit yesterday, we got like 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/4/8/9/9/10 inches of snow. Well have a nice end of the world, and don't go on facebok for a few days, theres gonna be allot of people posting that you wanna kill.

How to save the economy using only fish!

Thanks for the multinational views! I found out today that there are multiple people in germany reading this shit! This is another post in english doing that imaginary paper. On the bright side all the teacher sees is me typing away! Fuck her though she keeps walking back here, so i change to a blank word document and get a distressed face on. I'm getting pretty good at it too. sometimes i hold my head im my hands or runs my hands through my hair sadly. I think the real end of the world is because there is some hipster event tomorrow, and they will all rebel and kill us with their vintage clothes. Thats why I'm stocking up on lighter fluid and matches. Come at me bitches. In all seriousess though we're all fucked tomorrow. (i wanna see how many unplanned babies there'll be in September.)

Morning bitches!

Murica am i right? Only here can a doughnut and a cinnamon roll be considered a "healthy breakfast". woke up and it was raining so i swore at the weather. I want fuckin snow. I hate rain its like poser snow that isn't cool (haha not cool) and its slippery. This ones gonna be shot because i got to class late. Happy Leif Erikson   Day!

My thoughts on slavery

Today someone asked me what i think during swim races. To be honest the only thing that goes through my head is 'Stroke stroke Stroke stroke Stroke stroke Stroke stroke' the whole time, followed by FLIP! PUSH! STREAMLINE! SPIN! KICK! and then more strokes. But that's much too boring so i decided to tell them what i do during PRACTICE. During long races in practice, i try to act out whole movies in fast motion. I've done all the Star Wars, Back To The Future, Skyfall (one of my personal favorites) and countless more. During the shorter races i give myself a soundtrack to whatever I'm doing. This basically consists of rock and roll during the straights that turns into dubstep on the flip turn. I try to have fun even though it may suck, like 4x400 best average. You probably don't know what it is, but it sucks MAJOR DICK. That set is the single biggest whore I've ever met. On a brighter note, my friends doctor decided it wasn't herpes, but he couldn't tell what it was exactly. Weird but at least i didn't have to check. For those of you with a cat, am i the only one who thinks they take the most seductive poses and make the most fucking noise ever when they wash themselves? They take these long obnoxious loud licks, and breathe deeply in between. I find it extremely disturbing, especially because her attempts at killing me have been closer and closer lately. Anyway i hope everyone who doesn't have to wake up at 5:45 tomorrow has a nice day, while i cry in the pool about how i can gain so much weight and still swim this much. Like seriously wtf metabolism. I kid though, I'm not as fat as i was before swimming.  i think... To close off the true meaning of Christmas is laying down by the tree on Christmas Eve and telling your parents that you're "waiting for Santa"  when in all reality you just wanna see how long they can hold out until they tell you to go upstairs because "Santa is too shy". You win this round Santa, but next year, I'm waiting under the chimney bitch!

Its colder than a baby-backed bitch! - A swim captain

Pretty fucking cold out, had to get my hat today so i wouldn't freeze to death. I suppose im probably gonna post these in the morning before 1st period. Cuz im gangsta'. Not really. Had a weird dream that i was a matress salesman working on christmas eve. There was this like 80 year old woman trying to find a matress for her husband, but i sold the last one. She started crying so i went on a epic adventure through our warehouse, which was apparently about the size and make of one of the caves in Indiana Jones, except filled with matresses. After grabbing the golden matress and running from the giant fucking matress ball, i gave it to her and she forgot to pay. Screw that. Always take the money first. Thats all I'm saying. Anyways happy Hump Day and don't forget to tip your garbageman!

Another post? Yep.

Before we start here, I'd like to tell a disturbing story. As i was changing after swimming today, an unnamed friend came up to  me and loudly announced he believed he had herpes. The fact that we just swam in the same pool was bad enough, but when he tried to show me and ask me what i thought it looked like, i almost died. Turns out all i had to do was look away and say sure, which was enough to convince him to drive to a clinic tomorrow (might i add skipping practice) to check if his claim was bullshit or realshit. Anyways............

As I sit here gazing hatefully at the mound of homework looming over me, never to be completed, I can only hope that some professional sport will save me from 3 more years. Maybe i can grow a few feet and get drafted in the NBA in my sophomore year! It could happen, if i had better basketball skills. I was saddened as i contemplated the array of sports in my possible future. Then it hit me. Michael Phelps went to the Olympics at age 15. That's next year! All i have to do is grow a few feet and I'm good right? Just a few feet eh? Two feet is 24 FUCKING INCHES. HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT. I'M NOT GONNA BE LIKE "YO SPINE, YOU BEST GET OFF YO ASS AND START GROWING! YOU TOO LEGS! AND DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE YOU ARMS!". Ya i feel short now. All i can do is hack at their feet and hope they bend down to itch their leg, allowing me to steal the ball. But seriously I should do this homework. And what the hell is this noise in the background. It sounds like Andreas playing a fucking tuba, but worse. More dying elephanty. I think its Ryan playing the god-damn shofar. Which is an antelope horn that is hollowed out to play like a wind instrument. Seriously biblical times, that's the best you got? Anyway for whoever reads this, if I don't post every day just remind me. 'I think allot of thoughts about allot of things'. (Ten points to who can "GUESS! THAT! QUOTE!" WHOOOOOO "Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Its me again, Alex Trebek, hosting another meaningless game show! Where we give money to middle class Americans instead of starving children!" Is there a limit on words inside parentheses? And seriously Jeopardy, WTF.) Why am i still typing? This is longer than that English paper i still haven't done.*Badum Tss* Sheesh,, tough crowd.

My first Blog! ... I sound like a 5 year old dumbass

I find the most relaxing times are the most stressful days. When you are sitting at home watching tv and you just don't give a shit about anything. Just like me now, sitting in english "writing a paper". I don't care at all about this paper, just about my blog rising from the ashes like a phoenix... Except it hasn't died yet, but that's how their born the first time right? Mabye not? Does the egg explode or do they just pop out like any other boring bird, that would suck. As i contemplate the future of my blog, and the money i will make on my genius, I wish all of my loyal slave followers the best on the dreary journey that is life. Good day for now!